Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Trip Advisor: Holiday in Hell

What a day.
Another diary entry of my Holiday in Hell.
Highly likely it's actually a relocation rather than a vacation.

I've been feeling terribly unsettled since He got back. Could be the awkward visits to Lilli where he manages to interact without actually looking at me.
Maybe it's His avoidance of any discussion of what's happening, where is all this going, what and who he's spending all our money on.

Lilli asked me after his brief weekend visit, "When is Daddy coming home Mummy?" I asked her what  Daddy had said and she told me; "He said he was going to have a talk with you."

He didn't. He's not being honest with anyone, not even himself

At lunchtime while I was out picking up some fixtures for the flat I had a text from him:

Fyi I am going to have to spend another 5k on legal fees re. the 'assault' charge. If you drop it, then that's 5k we can save. Your call. 

He wouldn't pick up the phone so I rang and rang until he did and I gave him the facts yet again. My hands were shaking yet again. 

One of his/ our friends, who's known him for over ten years, met up with him for a coffee and he told me that it was weird. 
"He has totally lost touch with reality"; He is apparently completely flippant about his/ our situation and unaware of the gravity of his decisions and what effect they may have on his daughter, let alone me.  
He told our friend that ‘he hadn’t made a decision yet’.  That he was just hanging out, going out testing the waters, what it would be like to be on his own again. 

He told our friend that he and I had ‘differences’ when we married and had a child, that we didn’t consider, that he was struggling with now.

I asked what these differences were: I like reading Robert Ludlam books and also I like moves with happy endings and he doesn’t.   

That’s it. Those are his deal breakers!

If it weren't so tragic it would be hilarious.
Our friend was as floored as I was. 

We’d had his wife and himself for lunch mid-February when my formerly loving husband and bestie, had been totally embarrassing me by telling them I was the best wife, mother, best friend and the best thing that had ever happened to him.

What do they say? That was then - this is now?

He's still obviously still very unwell but he can’t get any better if he doesn't want to. 

So he doesn't like happy endings? Well good, we wont give him one.

My baby girl and I do, so we'll make up our own - he can take a hike. 

I'm so done. 


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