"…And the Truth Shall Set You Free.."
King James Bible
Layer by layer, I have become thicker skinned than I ever thought possible. But even with a feeling of being weighed down by my armour plating, something sharp and pointy gets through. I keep asking myself if I will ever reach a point where his atrocious propensity for senseless lying will stop shocking the crap out of me.
I’d like to have that, at least, to look forward to.
I confronted his this week about the lying.
He denied it.
I pointed out that he was in the habit of denying (it more lies) and I gave specifics: The movie night with the boys. The boys didn’t have a movie night. The one who was supposed to have organised it told me that, and was quite pissed off to be used as an alibi.
I told Him that I’d known since the day of the fake movie night and I’d just kept it to myself. His response; stammering and then ‘That’s bullshit’. Well it was. What he said not anyone else.
The next one was a bluff, driven by two items I found on his secret account with dates matching text messages of “so sorry, I can’t see Lily, I have to work, early/ late/the weekend…’ so to call him out on this I told him you’re not invisible, you’re not the only person we know who goes to the open air cinema or concerts.
I said, ‘I’m trying hard here to maintain what respect I still have for you, I’m trying very hard not to rob Lily of her relationship with you by being derogatory but it’s damned hard when you treat me like an idiot and tell lies that you don’t even need to tell. There’s no earthly reason for them. I am GLAD you seem to have met someone, I’m happy for you, I hope you are happy too. Please stop this lying!’
He still denied it – even in the face of being caught red handed – he just stammered then became angry.
I said, ‘we have a lifetime of co-parenting ahead of us, we need to treat each other with respect to do that effectively and in a way that doesn’t damage Lily.’
I was wasting my breath. In the end I told him, ok don’t tell me a thing because I’d rather no information at all than your lies.
Tonight he asked me if I wanted to keep her Saturday night, because ‘you know, you don’t get to see her Saturday nights..’ Read: he has a date.
He told me ‘I’m catching up with Adam.’
I said ‘again? You only saw him just over a week ago.’
He’s a cool liar, without missing a beat he insisted I’d got that wrong saying ‘no, that was a month ago.’
A month ago it was actually 'Roger' he was supposed to have had dinner with in the next suburb (for some reason he made a big deal of that fact). Then later he’d mentioned the expensive restaurant bill explaining he’d paid for Roger because it was his turn. Except the bill was for a romantic restaurant way across town.
I think he needs to write down his alibis and then maybe ask himself why he thinks he needs them at all.
I know trying to get him to see logic, stop lying and behave like a grown up is like trying to teach a cat to bark instead of meow. But it riles me that he still thinks I’m that stupid. I’ve proven over and again that I’m so not, I’ve caught him out on everything every time and still he thinks I’ll just roll-over and say, ‘Oh you’re probably right, I must have heard you wrong’.
'Except he texted.'
"When we tell another person a lie we are behaving in a way that is controlling and contemptuous of that person. Telling someone a lie reduces the lied to person from a subject to an object. That person cannot exercise their free will and personal judgement because they do not have all the facts. Rather, they become a prop for our playacting." Sarah