Sunday, April 17, 2016

Bribes

I
"A Truly rich man
is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty."

Ziad K. Abdelnour

 

 

 

So much for pushing out his flights 'to spend more time with Lily'. 
The first thing he did with this extra time, was go on a dirty weekend. Then he demanded to have her all week because he was running out of time to spend with her before he went away.
So much for my supposedly "refusing all access". Like I said to him; when it suits his social life, he doesn't mind not having her around one bit.

She gave me a panicked 'bunny in the headlights' look when I told her that her dad wanted her for four back to back sleep overs. I stroked her wide eyed face and assured her she didn't have to and her expression immediately relaxed "I don't want to mummy, I want to stay here with you'.

I talked her into having a day out with him and texted him her response. I suggested the circus that had just set up not far away, because she'd asked me to take her.  I also told him she was seeing her therapist  in the morning and maybe the Doc could get to the bottom of why Lily was so adverse to going to his place. I told him I'd ask her to email him some feedback.

He picked Lily up  around 2pm clenched and seething, and instead of the circus he took her shopping.
He bought her toys and books and then lured her over to his flat to see the dolls house he'd got for her.
I got a smug text shortly after informing me she wanted to stay over the night after next. 
His cunning and manipulation seem to know no bounds; heaven forbid he should just be with her;  give her his full attention, instead of glancing up from texting and making internet pickups to 'blow up' at her (Lily's words not mine) for something she has or hasn't done.

So two mornings later, Lily seems OK going to her dads house after flat-out refusing - and as if to cement the arrangement he takes her shopping again buying her a second dolls house and another barbie doll.
This from a father who didn't buy her an Easter egg, bought her a snorkel & flippers set for Christmas & birthday....

The new barbie he bought her is not allowed to be brought home even while he's away- it has to stay in his empty flat.
He tells her its because I won't let her take any toys to his flat to remain there which is absurd- her room at his place is filled with toys from home and I've sent texts to  him saying we were running a bit late because we were choosing some new residents for his apartment. 
 
How can he lie about stuff where he is surrounded by evidence to the contrary? 
Because he's scraping the bottom of the barrel looking for ways I have slighted him?
It's like the whole: 'you refuse me any access to Lily' bull slotted in between my texts inviting him to come see her and his refusals???
He really confuses her telling her 'mummy won't let you stay with me' after she's told him herself that she doesn't want to go.
Lily says Daddy tells her I'm crazy
I suggest he's making a joke.
She says 'no he wasn't joking'

When she came home she told me "Daddy had a fight with a lady in a car park and the lady called him an arsehole 'over and over' and he threw some stuff on her car".
She said he told the lady she should move her car and she had plenty of room - Lily said: "the lady didn't have hardly any room at all! And daddy was speaking in his weird voice.." 
Don't know what that means but I didn't want to grill her.

Later back at home, she had a sobbing heartrending meltdown and after that, still sniffling and wiping at her nose, she told me she'd felt like she was going to cry all day long.
'My tears were just there', she insisted pointing to her eyes.
'Even at the circus?' I asked.
She nods, frowning.
'why do you think that is sweetie?'
"I don't know, but I was a bit sad all day.'
I think I know why.
And why she usually cries after she's stayed with him.  
Like she says so very often; she misses her old daddy and wishes he'd come back.
It has to be hard for her to see him like this; he's a totally different person. And how confronting to see him in an abusive exchange with a random woman in a parking garage.

He dropped by this morning to drop off her fish. He's still a rigid ball of anger, face like a storm and  although when I call to her "daddy's here" she runs to see him, when she gets near him, she sort of shrinks back. Her body language is awful and she can't wait to get back inside.

We go through this a bit: when she hasn't seen him for a while her enthusiasm is definitely there, but it dissolves the minute she gets close to him. 

I don't know how long the bribery will work for him.

 

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I really must acknowledge a very helpful resource for Children and families with a parent suffering from mental illness. COPMI has been my go to, resource guiding me in all the way, supporting Lily.

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