Saturday, April 23, 2016

Damage Control

What an odd week.

I have case notes to write now for an interview with a Family Dispute and Parenting official in response to his accusations that 'I'm denying him all access' God he's like a broken record.
I need to cover: his mental instability, the Bi-Polar and manic episodes; how it changes his ability to effectively parent and increases the emotional and physical risks for Lily.

I need to demonstrate the adverse emotional effects on Lily; her not wanting to stay alone with him in his flat [except when he bribed her], her ongoing therapy trying to deal with his dramatically changed personality and temperament.

But it is also school break and she needs me to be truly present and engaged with her and not let the poison he leaks in to our lives, taint our time together.

So in between reading through two years of my own awful notes, collating pertinent and very ugly details from our recent history, I'll be sitting cross legged with my little girl on her bedroom floor with a pile of barbie dolls and each of us armed with a small hair brush.

Then it's more time on the laptop, more hideous memories to dissect and categorize, timelines to construct...followed by making fairy bread, the sprinkles stuck together in the shaker so I give it a vigorous shake not noticing the lid is open.

This ongoing dark unpleasantness, punctuated with magic little domestic moments like spilling sprinkles all down my top and getting them stuck in my bra, much to my daughters very obvious delight and amusement. Mine too, I have to admit, she has the most infectious laugh.

I had a call from a kind of friend/ ex-colleague - a man with a soul, in the midst of my reviewing some particularity awful stuff.

Never a good time for someone to ask me 'how's life?' when I'm vulnerable with my guard down, immersed in damage control.

We chatted without me really going into detail - he doesn't know my story but I suspect he guesses something awful happened.  He sent me a funny cartoon on my phone later that afternoon.

 I don't know, it was just a tiny kind gesture, but it made me smile.

And its kind of bang -on in this the situation; mouse caught in a trap making a work-out of escaping..

The brief period we worked together, I always had a feeling he was quite intuitive and terribly kind.


  1. It never fails to amaze me that in the middle of all the murk, life will throw something in our path that we just "need" in that moment. Be it sprinkles in our bra :-) or that person far enough removed to allow us to get out of our own head long enough to remember that "life's good" even when events suck.

    You are smart, capable and doing everything within your power to make sure that young lady has the same chance to thrive. We can't shield our kids from the world but we certainly can stand by their side as they face it and you are doing an awesome job of being there and standing fast for those moments that are just too much.

    Kind Regards

    1. Thank yo so much, again! I wish we could meet in person, you've been so very supportive and offered the best advice throughout.
      You will have you name in the acknowledgements of my book and I will invite you to the launch! I will be in disguise most likely because I'll have to publish anonymously.. he heh - how's that for positive thinking?
      Actually there's a very talented multiple award winning author (and truly wonderful person) pushing me for just that - we've nutted a rough project plan together...
      Wouldn't that be a wonderful silver lining from this dark cloud?!
      Anyway, thank you and I'm wishing good things and peaceful times ahead for you; you deserve at least that much.

  2. Am reading back through your posts, had no idea so much has been going on. It's relentless and shocking. Your strength and eternal resilience will get you through this. Your honesty and calm will outshine the treacherous and cowardly ex.