Saturday, April 16, 2016

Meet Jane Doe

Since it seems I've come full circle I have been looking back on my notes and the train of events that led to the disaster of 2014  the full Manic meltdown that nearly destroyed all of us, and the aftermath; the lies he piled upon lies that finally ended us as a family.

I look back on the 350 emails he and Angela exchanged in just thirteen days. Yep he even counted them. And this one I really find a shocker:

Not only does he make out that we had actually broken up..not only does he reduce our 12 year relationship to a haphazard rebound mistake; but he reduces me to some unsophisticated homely simpleton.

So allow me to introduce you to this Jane Doe.

I love music of all kinds from Led Zeppelin to George Benson and it was concert tickets he mostly used to lure me away from the guest spot I had singing with a band in a basement cafe in Kensington, London.  He never once came to hear me; "it wasn't really his kind of place."  A lot of the Hollywood stars that hung out there would disagree, but they weren't as pretentious; good food- good music that was the deal.

We saw George Benson and Al Jarreau in concert neither one he had to drag me to. I Loved London's  Jazz Club for live music so looking back he worked kinda hard and spent some serious cash to get me to give up singing. Or was it doing something so many people praised me for, that didn't involve him so he couldn't control?

Long before I met this guy, I'd photographed every square inch of the Louvre, The Met in NYC and Florence's Uffizi Gallery. I transferred from Business Studies to Art in college more than a decade before we met, nurturing my love of art  especially modern, sculpture and photography exhibitions.

I'm also a lover of Ballet; Le Jeune Homme et la Mort. just gives me goosebumps.

When He met me I wasn't sweet and simple, I was a pathologically flirtatious player with plenty of male friends to take me anywhere I wanted to go, and some places I hadn't thought of. A colleague of ours (who in his defense, didn't know we were an item) even labeled me as a man eater.

I did like the 2009 Star Trek Movie with Chris Hemsworth, Chris Pine, Simon Pegg, Leonard Nimoy - the cast was fabulous - so yeah got me on that one.

My taste in films is as eclectic as my taste in music, but no: can't stomach Woody Allen; I live that shit, so it's painful rather than entertaining.  Incidentally, the last time I had lunch with MR Sophisticate's father and siblings, Papa was off his meds in a crowded restaurant and it was like starring in a Woody Allen film, dubbed in French without a script or subtitles.

Fifty Shades of Awful.

I do like foreign films though; Cinema Paradiso, l'appartement and  les intouchables are my three favorites.

What else? Hmm, yeah I blog, so does the President of the United States, and many other movers and shakers, accomplished authors, scientists and mental health researchers, (much to my joy).   I don't move or shake or shed light on sociopathic personalities, but it's a respectable pass-time nonetheless.

Yes I like sewing, got me on that too;  I was at one time a fashion designer with my own label, retail stores and wholesale distribution business for many years. I even won a national award against some heavy hitters in the fashion industry.  I also designed costumes and bespoke fashions for TV commercials and print advertising. I sew mostly for Lily now - she designs them with me and she has a good eye for style and balance.

Finally, I do enjoy Robert Ludlum sometimes, among so many other authors I love. I have always, but especially lately, read a lot of psychology books.  Jaclyn Moriarty is my favorite fiction author, for the poetic beauty of her narrative and her endless sparkling imagination. (sorry just finished her latest book and I still have that warm fuzzy afterglow)

I'm fan of auto biographies as well, Christopher Reeve's book Still Me tore my heart out and gave me hope all at once.  Now there was a man with 'Character'.

So my bedside table is always cluttered with book piles. and my e-reader attests to the fact that I read A LOT.
As far as I know, Mr Sophisticate still hasn't finished his Milan Kundera, the book -mark hardly moved in two years. He struggles to finish most books; He likes buying them and displaying them on his bookshelves though.

So now you know me a little better, but what does this say about him?

Was he faking feelings for me for twelve years?

Is he/ was he ever capable of real emotions?

Did he even know who the hell I was? Or was it just about what I did for him as an emotional crutch?

I know he liked having me on his arm, so long as I mostly talked to the wives.

I know it pleased him when a colleague would tease him that he was hitting above his weight.

Looking at the heartfelt, loving, yearning pack of lies he wrote to Angela (so sorry you don't get to read those but there are literally hundreds of pages just in the first few months)...
well  I really do not know the answer to that.

I just know, there is something missing or broken in him that is pushing him to do it all over again.

And if was, as he described as "a one off medical incident" then they'd surely call it mono-polar instead of Bi-Polar Disorder.

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